Appendix: Some statements from former friends

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Here is a collection of comments and a few complete emails from seven individuals who, unlike those who have slandered and aggressed against me, actually knew me - some of them pretty well. Since most of them still lived in SC and some of them were still involved in politics at the time - though some of them had dropped out due to these and other events - none of them wanted their names used, since obviously one of the main goals of attacking to me was for a certain clique of people to advertise themselves as self-appointed police who were willing, even fanatically eager, to use any means (violence, cruelty, intimidation and lies) to silence anyone in the scene they considered an enemy.

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What I saw was the 'perfect storm' of activist frustration combined with an effective, vocal organizer [Olivia Egan-Rudolph] displacing rage onto an easy target. Nowadays I feel mostly shame that I didn't do more to stop it... [-an expelled former member of the 'women's group' which included men and assaulted me]

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Hey man,

I've been thinking a lot about what happened, but the details I've been able to glean are rather thin. I'm still not clear on what they did to you. I read your forwarded message, and it seems totally legit to be cautious and stay away from this fucked up santa cruz scene for a while. Purchasing a gun is, of course, your prerogative and all, but I don't think you have anything to be paranoid about where you're at now. Whatever threats you're still receiving are probably just people venting anger in fucked up ways.

I was talking with xxxxx about several recent "politicizations" of personal relationships: why these things are happening in NY and SC, etc. I'm sure it's no consolation to you, but I think understanding these dynamics might make it less senseless. In my own opinion, it seems like a lot of very pretty and very young girls were involved in the political actions of this past year. These girls tended to gravitate towards men who they thought were respected in the milieu -- yourself and others -- and probably became sexually involved because they calculated that they could gain some sort of position in the group, however unconscious such calculations may have been. It's a very normal thing and a much larger social phenomenon than the narrow confines of Santa Cruz. However, in the current context, many of these girls probably don't have much experience with that kind of sexual promiscuity, and it backfired because it didn't actually improve their standing in the group. It was probably more neutral than anything else. Some combination of naivety, misplaced anger and vague notions of patriarchal oppression led them to scapegoat members of the group who are easy to single out: you, Evan, perhaps others.

None of this means that what people have done isn't fucked up. So I don't want to imply that these actions are in any way "excusable." But they do seem rather explainable. I think you got caught in the cross-hairs of a politically charged, female "coming of age" moment. But again, my information is pretty limited. So anything you can share with me about the events would help me to formulate an effective response to the situation.

Stay well, buddy.

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Yo I feel you. Still no one has opened up. I don't feel too safe. Kyle Thomas has never treated me well, and I'm feel like he keeps an abusive personality that forces his peers down allowing him to rise as 'role model'. I daydream all day about slashing his bike tires. All these 'solutions' to problems seem to just echo trauma rather than allow anyone to get past them, something is fucked up there.

I've also been laying low on any 'radical' organizing, partly because school's out, partly because i have a full-time job right now, partly because i don't know what kind of ideas are going through the group right now. I don't know if i'm some kind of traitor for disagreeing with tactics. it's weird that all this (i thought) was intended to keep victims affairs private, but it came out so publicly, though still no one will talk formally.

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A lot of people were left in the dark. A lot of people disagree about why there was no communication with you or with anyone else before an action happened. Still attempts at communication (ie a meeting we tried to have noon the day after your attack) were shut down by the 'womens group'. It feels a bit like a central discussion group which controls who else can talk outside the group. Kyle Thomas is a bastard, quick to assume, and makes me feel like shit whenever he talks to me. He offered to talk but in the most mocking sort of way.

Otherwise no discussions have happened yet. I don't know if it will, I want to see where things go with that. Everyone is hella angered about everything. And I'm basically waiting to see what the sides look like when it happens.

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It is hard to express, in words, the terrifying way in which the so-called student movement began to dissolve and eat its young. I share your view that what happened to you was political. That you were scapegoated. I wasn't a part of any of the deliberations that led to your scapegoating. Nor was I a part of the official discussions among women about sexism. What I know was gathered from informal discussions with people who were largely peripheral to the whole thing. I've shared my opinion about it with you before. The women in our group -- many of whom are very young -- were not used to the sort of multiple partner intimacy that came along with intense political militancy and spending so much time together. While we were politically breaking down barriers, many people were breaking them down in their personal and intimate lives, which can be unsettling to those who are not very mature. What happened to you was fucked up, but the context in which it happened is important to keep in mind. There was indeed a lot of misguided idealism going around.

I told several people who I know were involved in some capacity in the plot that I thought it was suspect that one of the few active participants who was from a less privileged school had been targeted. I don't think this was an accident. The larger political militancy lost its focus and personal relationship problems became collective concerns. You were easy for people to single out because, in spite of what everyone said about there being no "outsiders" in our group, you were a student from another school. As fucked up as it is, I think that had something to do with you being targeted. I don't think there is some vast authoritarian sentiment lurking in the brains of people who once called you their friend and comrade. I think there is a lot of misplaced self-righteousness that is common to activist and anarchist milieus. That is the only way that I can possibly account for how so many people could engage in or tolerate vigilante-style reprisals.

I'm not sure that anything I, or anyone else who is still around santa cruz, could say that would give you a sense of closure about this terrible affair. Betrayals are truly nasty. I'm pretty sure this incident will shift people's alliances and put a damper on a lot of the starry-eyed idealism you talk about in your post. Dark days.

In the spirit of love and friendship,
xxxx

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As if this world isn't shitty and oppressive enough already!... There has been a growing rift between the men and the women ever since what happened to you.... I find that most people are pessimistic about a strong mobilization around budget cuts this fall.

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I haven't heard any of that bullshit dude....and for what its worth.... hearing it now doesn't change my perception of you. I noticed something shady about those cats from the jump but I was new on the scene and didn't want to make any assumptions....since spring semester I have witnessed their "elitist" ways and I had barely ever associated myself with any of them, it was just that obvious. I'm sorry to hear that they made up such horrible bullshit. You were always a good dude to me...hope all is well where ever you are.... and same stands true now as before..... if you need anything....let me know

Be safe
x

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Dear individual I once knew,

As I no longer live in that god-forsaken town, I have no idea what is happening there. As you know my hermit-like existence, I do not associate with most of the people from last year except my close group of friends who I've known over the years. The whole situation is now a distant memory for me, but I assume for you, with your callous words and resentment, still persists. Your words brings pain to what we once had, as a friendship based upon something more tangible than anything having to do with the rotting foundations of culture, social life, or any of that nonsense. I'm sure you know this.

But let us remember, that these times are confusing, as we are all "like lost children" as you had once proclaimed -- this is an entirely new situation, one which no one is prepared for. Our ways of reacting and acting within them just shows the complete poverty of our experience. At this point in time, I believe that we can blame society, blame civilization, blame whoever, whatever, whenever. I believe we do live in an era of betrayal. You have been betrayed, one who was once a respected voice, or at least one whose steadfastness alarmed and "turned off" other people. But don't let it turn you into a terrible soul, don't lose yourself over this. I do think its possible for a soul to become forever lost, irreversibly damaged within this world, such as the various drug addicts, socialite-bohemians, people who've gone crazy, and whatnot. I do not know what your situation is like now, perhaps you indeed are lost, or maybe this is what you feel, I do not know.

The events that had unfolded after did not cause the collapse of the student movement. The student movement was already in decline, and what occurred was an expression of the untenability of what we were pursuing within the confines of the student identity, something we can both agree on, I am presuming. What was unique was our initiative within it, and our attempt to constitute ourselves beyond the university struggle.

The hysteria about radiation plumes, and the confusion of what exactly going to happen is quite hilarious. These experts and their wild predictions, while may be true, only confuses the situation. Consider how much 'radiation' or whatever, that you are receiving just being in front of a computer all the time, along with all the cell phone towers, and electrical waves that have been passing through all of us since we were born, the consequences of which we have yet to see. While it is horrible, and civilization is imploding, I believe such reactions are distractions from the real root of the matter and its potential resolution becomes even more ambiguous. If I get radiation poisoning, so be it.

As for the involvement of the feds, why are you even mentioning this? Why?

You "hate" me. I do not hate you. I will not reciprocate, if that is indeed what you desire. I just harbor great sadness and despair for all of us; we live during a time of utter damnation.

Regards,
x